Breaking Point
by merlinxlover
Summary: Merlin suffers from nightmares, and as a result he hasnt been sleeping properly. He is weak, tired, and just sick of living. What will happen? Read to find out (:
1. Chapter 1

It was nearing sunset when Merlin finally stumbled clumsily into Arthurs chambers with his dinner. He quickly set down his tray on the table, and poured his wine. Arthur looked as though he was going to burst, but Merlin didn't notice. In return Arthur didn't notice Merlins pale face and the dark circles underneath his eyes.

He could feel his eyes drooping and ready to close, he held onto the back of Arthurs chair for support so he didn't fall down. He tried his best to stay awake; he didn't want to have his sleeping problems revealed here. It really wasn't Merlins fault though.

For the past few weeks, Merlin had been suffering from nightmares. The deaths of William, Freya and Balinor had affected him greatly, each death coming so close to each other, and it began to be much to handle, so to stop the pain, anguish, the suffering these nightmares brang, he hardly slept anymore. This night he had only slept an hour no more, and the whole day he was running around doing all of Arthur's chores, helping him with his training practices (him being the 'dummy' yet again) and then having to get rare herbs for Gaius. It just didn't end for him, and he was sick of it. The only person who knew of these nightmares and how Merlin was feeling was Lancelot.

Merlin was taken out of his thoughts when Arthur started yelling. "Merlin! Why do I even have you as my manservant, you can't do anything right!" Merlin cringed at this. After hearing it so many times from Arthur he started to believe it himself. _'He's right' Merlin thought. 'I am useless!'_

Arthur continued "I have a kingdom to run, do you know what that means? I can't just sit here all day and actually wait for my dinner, it should arrive on time, I'm sick of this happening. You know what, just for that you can muck out the stables for me, and re-polish my armour, along with sharpening my sword tonight. Oh and there is some laundry for you to do aswell" Arthur smirked at this. He didn't realise how much more he was tiring the poor innocent raven haired boy out.

Merlin was shocked, and even though he wanted to give Arthur a surly retort and joke around, he held his tongue and kept it all in. He didn't even have the strength to do that. He wasn't about to break down his walls here, and appear weak. Merlin was tired and exhausted to say the least, yet he just replied with a "Yes Sire" grabbed the dirty laundry and went to walk out of the room with tears threatening to spill_. 'I guess no proper sleep again for me again tonight' Merlin thought._ He sighed. He wasn't sure how much of this his body could take.

He walked down a few hallways on his normal route to where he did Arthurs laundry before he was just too tired to go on and slid down the wall and cried. Nothing was ever fair for Merlin. '_Do this merlin, do that merlin, you're an idiot merlin, you can't do anything right merlin' He_ could hear Arthurs voice in his head. Freya suddenly appeared before his eyes, he wasn't even sure if he was hallucinating or not, but she was there is front of him, pointing a finger at Merlin.

"It's your entire fault I died Merlin, you didn't save me at all! I thought you loved me" Merlin sobbed even more "I-I do Freya, I do, please don't hate me I ca-"Merlin was cut off when Freya was quickly replaced by Balinor. "Son you will never do me proud, look at you, still a manservant to the King, I regret taking that sword for you, I regret helping you. You are not my son" If it was even possible merlins face was paler than before. He took in every word to heart, and they kept replaying in his head.

He wasn't sure what was happening around him anymore, he just sat down in the crouched position he was, staring off into the opposite wall. He wasn't awake, but he wasn't asleep either. He was trapped in his own thoughts. He started thinking about what his father said and realised he too was right. He was still just Arthur's manservant, still not being accepted for who he was. He came to a realisation. Everyone around him was changing, moving on to bigger and better things, except for him… Lancelot was now Sir Lancelot and a knight, and so were Gwaine, Percival and Elyan too. Gwen was set to be Queen and marry Arthur. And yet all he still did was work, work, and work and still save Arthurs sorry behind from within the shadows. No recognition at all, no thanks either.

He was just tired of everything, tired of living, tired of breathing. He couldn't handle the stress anymore. All these deaths were his fault. Everything was his fault. Merlin was a fault. He had blood on his hands. So much blood… He felt himself fall down from his position and onto the cold, hard floor. He succumbed to the darkness and fell unconscious.

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**So first chapter, obviously in Merlins POV, with Arthur being a prat and unobservant as usual. Lancelot will be introduced soon and there will be different POVS soon. So this is actually the first fanfic ive written ever, so please review, fav, like, whatever it is you do, and I dont know if I should even continue this. Should I?**


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur sat there at his table staring into nothingness. His stomach grumbling broke the silence. _Where is Merlin, I am starving! _He thought. Arthur pondered this question. Why was Merlin always late? It wasn't as if he had a life outside Arthur could he? I mean he couldn't always be out collecting herbs for Gaius so what was he up to?

He waited for another ten minutes and had enough. He didn't want to actually admit he was getting kind of worried about Merlin, I mean he was only a manservant to the prince after all. He was just about to get up and search for Merlin when the door burst open and in came the missing boy in question with a tray full of food and a jug of wine. Arthur was worried and he did in fact notice something was off about the boy, but instead masked his worried feelings with anger.

"Merlin! Why do I even have you as my manservant, you can't do anything right!" Arthur yelled. He noticed that Merlin cringed and that he looked upset. _What a girl. _ He noticed that Merlin was leaning on his chair, and that made him even angrier.

He kept on going. "I have a kingdom to run; do you know what that means? I can't just sit here all day and actually wait for my dinner, it should arrive on time, I'm sick of this happening. You know what, just for that you can muck out the stables for me, and re-polish my armour, along with sharpening my sword tonight. Oh and there is some laundry for you to do aswell" He placed a smirk on his face expecting some sort of banter and teasing from Merlin about how it wasn't his fault but instead he received a hollow, pale looking face. _I could swear he looks as if he is about to cry!_

"Yes Sire" Merlin said and quickly regained his composure and left the room as quickly as he could. He heard Merlin sigh as he left the room. Arthur sat and just stared at his food feeling guiltier then he had in his entire life. He picked at his food but found all his appetite had left him and fled. Surely he hadn't been that harsh on his servant. He sighed. No, of course he had. But he just wanted the old Merlin back. This 'new' Merlin wasn't happy! There was nothing fun about him. Dare Arthur say it, but he actually missed Merlin. Maybe he should go talk to him.

So on deciding he would go talk to Merlin, Arthur swiftly left his room, and followed the route to the laundries where he was sure Merlin would be, but before he had been half the way there, he stopped in his tracks and all the blood flowed from his face. There Merlin sat, across from him, crouched down as if in a defensive position, sweating, crying and troubled breaths leaving his body. His eyes were scrunched and he heard him say ""I-I do Freya, I do, please don't hate me I ca-" _Freya? Who was Freya? Merlin had never mentioned this girl to him before. Was Merlin actually in love?_

Arthur remained frozen in his place, unsure as of what to do, he wasn't even sure if he could move. Merlin stopped talking, and if possible he went even paler than before. Merlins eyes snapped open and the shaking stopped. Arthur observed as he sat there, letting out shakily breaths of air, before he started mumbling. 'Blood… Blood on my hands… My fault.. I-I can't, Freya, No… NO!'

It was then Arthur rushed forward, broken out of his trance, and he crouched down towards his man servant but it was too late. Merlin had taken his last breath and fallen down onto the last floor. Cold and unmoving. "MERLIN!" Arthur cried out. He starting panicking unsure of what to do. "Merlin, get up I order you too, y-you cant do this!" Merlin of course was still unmoving and unresponsive. Arthur set Merlin back down and said "Merlin I don't know if you can hear me, but please don't do anything, I'll be right back I promise, I'm going to get help!" Arthur rushed off as quickly as he could to go fetch Gaius, aware that if he called the guards he would be seen as weak mainly because his "servant" was the one that needed help. He only hoped he was quick enough.

xxxxxmerlinfaintedxxxxxxxxxx merlinfaintedxxxxxxxxxxxmerl infaintedxxxxxxxxxxmerlinfai ntedxxxxxxx

Lancelot was just wandering around the castle thinking about Merlin. Only 2 weeks ago did he find out that his friend was having nightmares, and it pained him to know he couldn't do anything about it… I mean what did Merlin ever do to deserve it? He has never once asked for any thanks, any recognition. Arthur still thinks of him as a fool, and if he ever knew of Merlins true identity he would probably chop his head off. Not to mention the deaths of Freya, Balinor and Will. Lance wasn't surprised at all. What he was surprised at was Merlins lack of true friends.

So Lancelot made a pact with himself to try and do all he can to help the poor boy, because that's what friends did. He changed his path to go visit Merlins chambers when he heard faint mutterings. 'Blood... Blood in my hands. Tired. So tired..' Merlin! He would know that voice anyway and anywhere. He walked around in the maze of corridors of the castles before he finally spotted the boy.

Without hesitation he ran to Merlin and crouched beside him trying to diagnose what was wrong, but Lancelot already knew in his heart as soon as he heard Merlin say he was tired. "Merlin!" Merlins head lolled to the side. "Merlin come on, we need to get you to your bed, you need sleep, your exhausted" Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Lancelot.

"Tired…. So tired, but I can't sleep. I-I killed them Lance.. Im a murderer.. Arthur hates me, I'm useless, freya… freya h-hates m-me a-and –an" Lancelot cut Merlin off. He couldn't watch him like this.

"Come on Merlin, we have to get you to your bed, you are going to get better, come on." Lancelot proceeded to help Merlin up when Arthur came rushing back to the corridor with Gaius. _Arthur knew about this? _

"Merlin, Gaius is here I got him, it's going to get better, and you're going to be fine." Arthur was worried; he didn't know what was going on. Only that Merlin had collapsed right in front of him, and he was shaking like no tomorrow. It was going to get better. He knew it was.

Gaius took a look at Merlin and immediately recognised the symptoms, it appeared that the boy was hallucinating and experiencing nightmares. "Quickly, Lancelot pick him and take him to my chambers, we need to let him rest, his body is physically exhausted so much that he is on the brink of death itself"

Lancelot's mouth flew open. He didn't realise it was this bad. He hoped Merlin would be okay, because if he wasn't we hasn't sure what he would do with himself. With these thoughts in mind, he carried merlin across his back, and made way to Gaius's room, with Arthur following.

_Merlin you have a lot of explaining to do _Gaius thought sternly

_Was I really working Merlin that hard that he collapsed and is suffering? _ Arthur questioned himself.

_You better not die on me Merlin, you will make it through this I promise, I will be the best friend you will ever have had, you just have to let me in and let me help you _Lancelot hoped

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**So uhm, yeah.. Next chapter.**

**Im not so sure I like this chapter at all, I mean im pretty nervous, this is my first fanfic like ever, and im not too good at writing either. But anyway, pleaseeee review, fav, follow and whatever it is you do :) It makes me so happy you cant even begin to imagine. Also feel free to point out ideas of how you want this story to go, because honestly, I dont know how this is going to end xD**

**But yeah, thank you for reading, and I hope you like it!**


	3. Chapter 3

So, I know I havent updated in ages, but I have a really good reason for it. Ive been very busy at school, and i have been doing tests and studying etc. Im sorry to say I might not even continue this story although I want too badly.

Ive been considering putting it like up for adoption if anyone wanted to continue it, and im totally fine with that, is anyone interested?

Im soooo sorry to you all, I feel terrible, Its just I have no time, and its no fair to my readers if I just left this unupdated!

So sorry!

~merlinxlover


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